The Birth Keeper: A Doula's Journey

Feb 5, 2015
4 min read

Written by: Elisa Judy, owner of Monterey Doula

I never know what someone is going to say when I tell them that I am a doula. Sometimes, I get a nod or a “what’s that?” On occasion, the person I am speaking with confuses my role with a midwife or begins to tell me their birth story. Of course, my favorite response (usually from men) is, ”I loved my doula, that is awesome!” I never quite know. It is always a surprise and I welcome every conversation.

My personal journey as a doula

When I started out several years ago, I saw my role as the defender of my client’s wishes. It was my role to protect them from the evils of the medical model of care that is common in most hospitals that my clients birthed within. I educated them during our prenatal appointments and wanted to make sure that they were equipped with the knowledge they needed to make the best choices for their birth. I spent hours researching and working on pretty handouts to hand to my clients during the many times I visited them in preparation for their births. I did my best to give them a balanced view on epidurals and iv narcotics, induction methods, comfort measures, postpartum care plans, newborn procedures and the ins and outs of their birth place. We talked about breastfeeding and circumcisions, swaddling, baby wearing, pacifiers, anything that they wanted to know. I felt confident that my clients were well informed pregnant warriors.

Then came time for their labors and births. The first few went extremely well, it was truly a gift for all of us. Our simple birth and baby care plans were followed and it was a great time in my doula life. I thought, I must be doing something right. My clients were having magical birth experiences with few or no interventions and relatively few complications, and they were breastfeeding when they came home! I loved doing this work. It was very fulfilling and filled up my ego a bit as well.

As many birth workers experience, I had a cluster of very difficult births several months later. We prepared and planned, practiced and researched but when the time came for labor and birth, things did not go quite as planned. In the moment, I hoped that I supported my clients adequately during these tough times. I prayed that they were not scarred by a negative birth experience. In the years that follow, I have thought about those births and what I could have done differently to make things easier for them, what did I do wrong? I carried them for years.

Then something changed. I was forced to take some time off from doula work as my husband prepared to deploy for nine months. I continued to teach private childbirth classes, but birth had to go on the back burner as I cared for our children and I found it too stressful for our family to take on birth clients. I am thankful for that time, to take a breath. I explored why I am involved with birth work.

Birth Keeper, not Defender

I do birth work. I do it to inform and educate parents about the choices they have surrounding pregnancy, labor and birth. I love mamas, I love babies, I love families. I support them during the birth process regardless of how it may turn out. I no longer see myself as a defender but rather as keeper. A keeper of their birth wishes. Along the way I have learned some skills that come with experiencing birth with many families. I use that knowledge to suggest ways to improve the birth experience for my current clients.

Every birth teaches me something new. Every mother amazes me with her strength. I am constantly in awe of the bond between partners during the labor process. I spend time learning about the families that I serve and take more time now to listen to them instead of preaching about perfect birth. I no longer give my birth clients loads and loads of worksheets to complete or keep in a file, though I do occasionally email them when a specific question comes up.

Why choose a doula?

I do not have a “bag of tricks”, though I do carry a bag of a few essentials to each birth. I do not replace a partner or husband. I am not your midwife or OB and will refer those types of questions back to them. I listen to my families and help them find good answers to their questions. I help slow down interventions if they are offered. I reassure mothers and fathers when they are not sure about what is going on. I will be there constantly and consistently during your labor and birth. I put my life on hold to be on call for my birthing families. I am a birth keeper.

Hiring a doula (like me) improves the chances of having a positive birth experience. If something does go wrong, you can count on your doula being there for you and helping you get through it. I keep birth sacred in places where it has become routine. I am good with that and do not feel the need to defend the space but hold it for my families. Many of the families I serve have become life-long friends, it is my honor to watch their families grow.

How to choose a doula

Every mother deserves a doula and every birth is worthy of a doula support whether it is your first or your fourth. Choosing a doula is a personal and intimate decision. Spending time with more than one doula before making a choice is the most important thing when it comes to choosing a doula. Oh, and remember, she is interviewing you too. Ask her questions, do you “get” her jokes, is she shy or boisterous. How does she make you feel? What is her training? How much is she asking for her services? Whether you choose an experienced doula or one that is new to the profession, you will not regret it.

Elisa is a doula and owner of Monterey Doula, a group of birth professionals serving families of the Monterey Bay Peninsula. You can find her at www.montereydoula.com.